The Good Wife

I am hostessing a bridal shower for my niece on Saturday. As I clean, plan, create, and envision the perfect peacock themed party for my darling niece, I'm feeling overly nostalgic as I contemplate her wedding. She is the first girl in our family to get married in a very long time. My daughter, my two nieces, and our beautiful bride to be have been dreaming up their weddings since they were little girls. It's a beautiful thing to see my sister's daughters and my own be included as bridesmaids. It seems like these four little girls should still be having Barbie weddings on their bedroom floors. It's hard to believe this new generation of Fillweber women are in the pursuit of love and lifelong commitments and not Beanie Baby acquisitions. Preparing to get married is an act of hope, optimism; an affirmation of life. I'm happy to take part in some small way. It's almost impossible not to reflect on my own marriage in the process. Marrying my husband was the best decision I have ever made. Instinctively, I knew almost immediately Pat was a good man and he would make an amazing husband. I haven't always been the best wife... just an ordinary woman still in pursuit of becoming a better one.

Marriage: I have found strength and God in the pursuit of this lifelong commitment. It continues to refine me. I have thought a lot this week about the Good Wife described in the book of Proverbs 31:10-31. Living up to the virtues so eloquently described in these verses is intimidating... even now. I don't think they're meant to be. Instead, I think it's a charge to rise and live up to our inherently divine nature as women. It's really quite beautiful. Again, I am weepy.  I should have contemplated these verses more over the years and made them my creed. I am thinking about having it typed and framed in a modern way and giving it to all of the girls before they get married. It reads as follows:

Who can find a virtuous woman?
For her grace is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her,
So that he shall have no need of spoil.

She will do him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

She seeketh wool and flax,
And worketh willingly with her hands.

She is like the merchants' ships;
She bringeth her food from afar.

She riseth also while it is yet night,
And giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She considereth  a field, and buyeth it:
With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She girdeth her loins with strength,
And strengtheneth her arms.

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good:
Her candle goeth not out by night.

She layeth her hands to the spindle,
And her hands hold the distaff.

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor;
Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household:
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry;
Her clothing is silk and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sitteth among elders of the land.

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it;
And delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

Strength and honor are her clothing.
And she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom;
And in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looked well to the ways of her household,
And eateth not the bread of idleness.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praiseth her:

"Many daughters have done virtuously,
 But thou excellest them all."

Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain:
But a woman that feareth the Lord,
She shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands;
And let her own works praise her in the gates.


(Sigh...) I didn't always "do him good" all the days...he entrusted his heart to me and there were times I stomped all over it. Giving someone your whole heart is no small thing. Megan and I will have a conversation about this. These are the kinds of things I wish my mother had talked to me about. A marriage is fragile and precious. You must guard and protect it. I want to scream this from the roof top to my young gender! They need to know this!

 I think back to Pat's brother in law's funeral many years ago. I sat next to my husband and watched him fight to keep it together as best he could, for as long as I could. He loved his brother in law and it pained him to watch his poor sister and their four children during the funeral mass. His face was contorted in attempted control. I grabbed his cheeks, kissed his forehead and pulled him into my chest. He sobbed for a very long time. I also remember my husband having to tell me he didn't get the job. He was sure he would- we both were. I could see the devastation in his eyes after six long months. I was very "afraid of the snow for my household", but I told him I knew he would get another job, a better job. I've had my share of virtuous, good wifely moments, but there were so many other days (less obvious maybe) that I turned away in my busyness. Shamefully, there were those times that I hurt and I knew he was hurting too, but my pain somehow trumped his. I think I don't even want to get into my "tongue" breaking "the law of kindness." I am a criminal. At almost fifty, I know we don't get "do overs", but I know I could be so much better at this if we did.

I'm thinking this is what we need to wrap up and give to our daughters, nieces, granddaughters and the rest of them as shower gifts: Our experience (both good and bad), our commitment to God to be examples of the womanhood He created within us; giving voice to our virtue, our potential, our strength, and tenderness. Our birthright as women is a priceless gift. This being my opus, I want more time to practice and share it. I hope I'm gifted many more years because twenty were obviously not enough. I am seriously rethinking all of the fun and funky Anthropology kitchen stuff so nicely wrapped for Saturday. I want to have a dozen prints of Proverb's The Good Wife stashed- ready to wrap... anybody know of a good typographer?